


Pure Hell

by Blownwish



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Makkachin - Freeform, Yaoi, Yuri's Cat, crackish, otayuri - Freeform, parental viktor, peripheral vituuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 19:29:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10905942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blownwish/pseuds/Blownwish
Summary: Yuri Plisetsky was in love with Katsudon's ass, Yuuko's tits, and planned, one day, to have Russian actress, Anfisa Maksimovna's babies. But more than any of these, he wanted his best friend, Otabek Altin. His life was pure hell.





	Pure Hell

**Author's Note:**

> This is just some crack and porn. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> The actress, Ansifa, is an homage to [VaughanGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VaughanGirl/pseuds/VaughanGirl)'s [Roy, Ed, and the Smallest Transmutation Circle Ever Made ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7339351/chapters/16671937), the greatest crackfic this world has ever been blessed with.

Otabek Altin was making his life living hell. He didn't mean to, really. After all, Beka was a ridiculously great friend. If Yuri needed to talk, he always picked up. He was always down for whatever, during competition downtime, which usually meant dragging a rental Harley up and down some foreign backroads, with Yuri making obscene gestures to the locals when he wasn't clinging to Otabek’s back. He made great workout playlists with the best remixes, was the perfect soundboard for program choreography, and even gave him the most amazing DJ set for his sixteenth birthday party. Otabek was the shit, the absolute best friend a guy could ever have. It wasn't Otabek’s fault Yuri’s life was hell. It was Yuri’s. Why?

Because Otabek was Yuri’s number one fucking crush.

Okay, so Yuri was a young guy. He had other crushes, to be fair. There was Katsudon (well, more like _Katsudon’s outstanding ass_ ), Yuuko Nishigori (those tits!), and the incredible actress, Anfisa Maksimovna, whose babies he would one day birth. (Fuck your gender expectations, Putin - it was going to happen.) But Otabek reigned supreme in Yuri’s secret wank nation, ruling over Katsudon Ass, MILF tits and Anfisa knocking him up with a great big strap on. Otabek did it bare chested, riding through the Kazakh Steppes on his Harley, seeking out and finding Yuri, his kidnapped sex slave, in a secluded nomadic yurt, and fucking his imaginary brains out.

Of course, Otabek would've kissed JJ LaDouche twice and died a thousand deaths before he'd, well, you know, _fuck his underage friend_. Yuri tired to do his level best to change his mind. He wore his tightest leggings and shortest crop tops in world history around this guy, sucked the biggest icy pops off (and got big ice cream headaches) for him, sent vids dancing like a sex starved nympho in heat to certain remixes Otabek gave him… and nothing worked. These attempts were all politely ignored. Otabek even pretended not to notice when Yuri pressed his foot against his crotch in a secluded restaurant booth. (How does a person ignore a foot rubbing their dick? If you're curious, ask Otabek Altin for details.)

[Yuri] You've got to help me I'm losing my shit  
[Yuuko] What are you upset about now?  
[Yuri] I need Otabek to destroy me with his dick  
[Yuuko] I don't feel comfortable discussing this with you  
[Yuri] quit saying that!  
[Yuuko] quit telling me about it  
[Yuri] just tell me how to seduce a man damnit  
[Yuuko] you wait until you're old enough that's how  
[Yuri] should I just get on my knees when he's looking the other way and start doing oral real fast?  
[Yuuko] I'm going to block your number  
[Yuri] ok can I see your tit just one  
[Yuuko] blocked

[Yuri] how do you lowkey suck dick?  
[Mila] i don't  
[Yuri] fuck this isn't about you. like, can i get him to go to a public bathroom and blow him in a glory hole?  
[Mila] ok you watch too much porn and Otabek would never use a glory hole  
[Yuri] how the fuck do you even know?  
[Mila] he's Otabek why would he?  
[Yuri] I hate you

“What the hell am I going to do?” He asked his Anfisa Maksimovna poster. She just smiled down at him in her swimsuit, sexually divine and silent. “I need this man’s dick in my life. You're my only hope, Anfisa. Help me!”

“Yurio!” Damn Viktor was banging on his damn door, damn it! “Quit talking to your poster about your sex fantasies. It's dinner time.”

++

The millisecond Otabek texted to tell him he made it to St Petersburg, Yuri broke the seal on his cherry lipgloss and tore the tags off those brand new leopard leggings and matching sheer blouse. Viktor tried to make him take all that shit back last week when he found it in Yuri’s room, but that old man could go fuck himself. Yuri was going to rock that shit. He threw his hoodie over the blouse and made a mad dash out of Viktor’s townhouse and into an Uber.

Otabek was all kinds of hot and sexy in his black leather jacket and tank top. Yuri wanted to wrap his legs around his ass and dry hump him up against the wall. “Hey.” He just smiled his stupid smile instead. “Want me to take your bag?”

“I've got it.” Otabek smiled right back.

He bit his lip and moaned. “What the fuck was I even thinking, wearing this hoodie when it's so hot?” He peeled it off, slowly, letting it slip off his shoulders and slide over his back. “Shit, I forgot to put an undershirt on. You think I'll get in trouble if my nipples are showing through this thing?”

“That's a nice hoodie.”

Fuck his life.

++

Fun fact: Night time wood is a thing. Yuri knew this, since his was the proud owner of a set of functioning male genitalia. Big problem: Otabek really was sleeping on the sofa, no thanks to Viktor. Yuri was seriously going to kill the old man with a pair of fingernail clippers to his jugular, _after_ he snuck out of his room and got on top of Otabek.

He fully intended to do this, except Mudak had already beaten him too it. And fuck, if Otabek wasn't cuddling his cat like a baby, too. Mudak opened one eye and yawned when he saw Yuri.

“Oh, yeah? Well fuck you, too.”

Mudak nuzzled into Otabek’s chest.

“Oh, really? Then you're not getting a new cat toy this week.” He flipped the fucker off.

Mudak gave no shits. He just went back to sleep. Yuri looked, and saw a bulge under the thin sheet and moaned. Otabek was hung like a god damn race horse.

“Anfisa, what am I supposed to do?”

++

He was going to be late coming down for breakfast and they could all kiss his underage ass. Well, Otabek could rim and fuck it, while the other two could kiss it (then Viktor could watch Yuri fuck Katsudon’s _outstanding_ ass, while Otabek knocked Yuri up with quadruplets. (Sorry Anfisa, it was good while it lasted.) Why? Because Yuri had some very important business with his hand and his dick.

He was going to have to jerk off way, way more than usual, while Otabek was under the same roof. ( He had to, twice last night, after the Mudak disaster.)

He sat in his bed, phone set to an Otabek slideshow, giving himself carpal tunnel syndrome, as he imagined Otabek bare chested in the steppes, sliding off that Harley, striding toward the yurt, where Yuri bound and gagged.

_“You are mine, you Russian whore.”_

Then Otabek pushed his face into the fur carpet and fucked his ass, hard. Every once in awhile he'd pull out just to spank him, too.

_"You like that, you dirty Russian bitch? Yes, you do.”_

He'd pump him full of so much come, it would gush out of his ass when Otabek pulled out.

God, Yuri was so close when he pictured that part. He didn't even here the knock at his door.

“Otabek…” He moaned that name over and over, like a prayer. “Oh, god, Otabek!”

But he totally noticed Otabek standing in front of his bed. And the fucking sight of him, in a tank top and shorts, mere inches away from his mattress, set him off like a motherfucking firecracker. Yuri stared into his eyes and - oh fuck! - _came_.

He blacked out and for a second he was still in that yurt, blissed out, fucked out and _happy_. But when he opened his eyes, he was in his room, not the steppes, and Otabek was not smirking down at him like a satisfied Kazakh warrior who'd just emptied his balls in his ass. No, he was shocked. Probably so shocked he was going to go get a voluntary lobotomy.

Yuri scrambled, throwing his sheet over his junk.

“Yuri…?”

He was going to tell him he was done. Done being friends with an underage pervert pestered him, foot rubbed his dick, and jerked off to him like a freak. Done. Otabek was so done. He probably got all kinds of ass everywhere he went, anyway. He was just too lowkey to brag about it. What the hell would he want with a an underage freak like him? Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Yuri rubbed his eyes and laughed. It was kind of funny, in a stupid, pathetic way. “Don't you hate it when this happens?”

Otabek closed his eyes as if he couldn't stand looking at him. “Breakfast is ready.”

Death would be a blessing at that point.

++

It was the most awkward breakfast that ever was. Yuuri and Viktor chatted about sightseeing and restaurants and fuck all, while they did dishes and bumped butts to the world's cheesiest samba music. Otabek stared at the rice and salmon, like he never saw food before and was trying to figure out what to do with it.

Yuri broke his best friend’s stomach. Fantastic.

“Yurio! Otabek! Yuuri worked so hard to make a delicious breakfast. Eat!”

Nothing, not even Katsudon shaking his outstanding ass in those skinny jeans, was going to pep Yuri up enough to put Japanese fish breakfast in his face. “I’ll give it to Mudak.” He grabbed the salmon as he got up and dropped it in a porcelain _feed teh kitteh_ bowl near the entryway. “I'm going to get some real coffee.”

Normally Otabek would have gone with him. But normally Otabek wasn't watching him come, screaming his name. So he wasn't surprised when he didn't follow him out there.

Fuck coffee.

Yuri took a run through the wooded path behind the townhouse complex. The trees were tall, the growth was so thick no one would be able to see him once he sprinted a few dozen meters in, and the rising sun was blotted out, making the path dark.

God, Yuri was always such an idiot, always living in his head. It worked for jumps and pirouettes, not people, never people. This was just like Viktor, just like _his mother_. He wanted too much.

Mother always said so.

Otabek didn't deserve this. He shouldn't have encouraged the guy to spend what little money he had and _stay over_ , just so he could deal with more sexual harassment. Fuck! Yuri shouldn't have even encouraged Otabek to be his friend at all. He was a menace around him, constantly creeping and perving out on him. And Otabek was so _nice_ , he'd never say an unkind word to Yuri because - because - he was just _too nice to tell him how he really felt about it_.

The more he ran, the better the burn. At least he could force his muscles to conform to his will. Yes, at least he had that, for however the fuck long he had it. It was something.

And thank all the Saints for endorphins. Yuri was positively high an hour later when he jogged back to the townhouse. Katsudon was waiting for him with Makkachin, and a water bottle.

“Good coffee?”

Yuri grabbed it out of his hands. “Thanks.” He gulped it down in seconds.

“You probably know why we’re going to talk.” He took it quickly. Piggie had a recycling obsession Yuri didn't share. “Sit.”

Yuri stood as Katsudon took his own orders. “No.” Makkachin sat, too. Stupid dog.

“It's about time you were honest with your feelings, don't you think?”

Yuri shrugged. “Okay.”

He smiled the stupid pig smile that made Yuri want Putin to declare war on Japan. What kind of fucked up country made such an annoying piece of shit? “It's perfectly normal to have certain feelings at your age.” Oh, here we go… “Confusing feelings. You like a person but you imagine some really crazy stuff, too.”

He leaned against the brick partition and shrugged, like one of those guys in Goodfellas. “Get to the part where you say it's perfectly normal and not to worry too much, so I can go take a shower.”

“About that.” He turned the water bottle in his hands nervously. “Don't take this the wrong way, but you need to calm down.”

Katsudon, the Queen of Drama, was telling him to calm down? Oh, fuck no. Yuri would've kicked him in the face if he wasn't still vibing on this endorphin rush. “You are a real asshole, you know that?”

“I know it's hard, when you have certain feelings, and I'm flattered, believe me. But you've got Otabek as your guest here, so you can't go running out of the house whenever you see me with Viktor. It's rude.”

“Wait. What?” Yuri must've OD’d on endorphins because Katsudon was talking gibberish and it was _insane!_ He really thought Yuri had - oh, seriously? - a thing for _more than his ass?!_

He nearly rammed right into Viktor when he got inside. “Oh, good. I need more awkward misunderstandings.”

“No need to be so tense, Yurio.” Viktor threw his arm around him. “First crushes are sweet! It's all about innocent exploration of feelings and -”

Yuri pulled away. “I've got to take a shower.”

God! Everyone was going crazy and Yuri managed to freak out the one sane person he knew. He kicked off his shoes and threw off his clothes, cursing in every language he could think of.

Fuck life.

He was in his tiger print briefs when Otabek stepped out of his bathroom wearing a towel.

++

There were droplets of water beading on Otabek’s fucking amazing, broad chest. Yuri felt his face burn, imagining himself licking him dry. Oh, that would only be the best thing, ever.

“Yuri?”

He was using the white guest towels; they were a little short, which meant Yuri got an eyeful of his _spectacular_ thighs. God, he could take a _bite_ out of him!

“Yuri?”

He stepped forward, biting his lower lip, feeling this crazy buzz in his head. He _wanted_ this guy. It wasn't just some masturbation fantasy like Yuuko’s boobs or Anfisa’s strapon or Katsodon’s ass. He wanted all of Otabek. He wanted him to fuck the taste out of his mouth then wrap those rock hard biceps around him and talk about life and kicking ass at competitions and _how about I destroy your ass some more?_

“Yuri!”

“Huh?”

“I am going to leave my toiletries in your bathroom, if that's okay?”

He blinked. “Okay.”

Otabek rubbed his mouth, and looked away. Shit. He just perved on him - in his underwear! The burning feeling went from his face to every square inch of his body, because - oh, fuck, fuck, _fuck!_ He got a god damn _boner!_

“I gotta go take a shower.” He rushed passed him and slammed the door.

Life was hell on Earth.

++

“The Peter and Paul Fortress was used as a prison when it was never used to defend against Swedish attacks.”

“That's right! That's right!” Viktor beamed. “He's learning so much about Russia and so quickly! Isn't he brilliant?”

Yuri rolled his eyes. Katsudon actually studied up, just to plow that old man’s ass. It was the most idiotic thing he ever saw in his life, next to ruining his friendship with Otabek.

God, he hated this place. It was so boring. The Cathedral was like a tacky ballroom decorated by coked up lunatics. Probably from the prison asylum. Fuck this place.

And the worst part was how Otabek was standing right next to him, and he couldn't even crack jokes about it. He might as well have been all the way back in Almaty. No, at least he could've texted jokes to him if he stayed in Kazakhstan. Yuri glanced and saw how fucking miserable the guy was. Yeah, he fucked things up, bad.

Shit, Otabek probably hated Yuri by now.

“Fuck this.”

Yuri took out his phone and ordered an Uber. Yakov wasn't going to be back from Finland visiting his brother and sister in law until tomorrow, but he'd be able to sneak into the rink and clear his head a little. He’s just run back to the house and grab his skates, then -

“Yuri?”

He whirled around and let out a pathetic sob when he saw Otabek. “Hey.”

He stopped walking and sighed. “You're upset.”

“I'm… I'm… yeah.” He wiped his face and crossed his arms. Shit, he didn't even realize he was crying. _Crying_. “I'm an asshole and I'm upset. Who cares?”

And Otabek was perfect, absolutely perfect, with his hands in his pockets and the wind flapping through his hair. Yuri should just let him go back to Kazakhstan and be with normal people who wouldn't perv out on him like freaks.

A car pulled up and his phone buzzed. “I gotta go.” He got in the red Mini Coup and tapped the driver’s seat. “Two stops, is that cool?”

He was about to get his answer when the other door opened and Otabek got in. Yuri opened and closed his mouth without a sound when Otabek handed the man ten rubles. “We can get another driver after you drop us off.”

++

Yuri sat on his bed with Otabek, clutching the straps of his skate bag.

“So you want to talk?”

“About?”

Otabek sighed. “I want to talk.”

Yuri closed his eyes. Here came the let down. Of course Otabek was going to do it gently. _You're sixteen. I'm an adult. I'm_ [probably] _straight. I'm_ [definitely] _not into you._ “Go ahead.”

“I owe you an apology.”

“No, no you definitely do not.”

He groaned. “Please, just listen. I'm sorry, okay? I don’t know how to tell you this.”

“Don't bother.” He took out his phone for another Uber. “I'm going to practice.”

His phone was taken out of his hand. “Yuri,” Otabek tossed it on the bed. Wow. Yuri took a deep breath. He was seriously going to go through with this. Fine. He could take it. It was the least he could do. “I am in love with you. I'm sorry.”

Apparently Yuri was losing his shit, because he just thought he heard the most ridiculous thing come out of Otabek’s sexy as fuck mouth. He stepped back and blinked.

“I said I love you.”

No, he really said that. Yuri wasn't hallucinating and he wasn't dreaming. He was standing in his bedroom with Otabek Altin, and said Otabek Altin just told him he was in love with him - _him_. This perfect guy was in love with a perfect asshole.

It was too good to be true. “Don't do that.”

“That's why I'm apologizing. You're sexually attracted to me but you don't feel the same way. I can tell.”

A god damn bluebird was singing outside as sunshine broke through the blinds on his window sill. Yuri felt like that bird, like he could suddenly fucking fly.

Wow. Seriously?

Yuri laughed. He laughed and laughed and Otabek looked absolutely affronted with that tiny frown at the left hand corner of his mouth, which only made him laugh some more. “I'm sorry. It's just… we are both so damn stupid. I love you, too.”

Otabek let out a long, deep breath and put his face in his hands. “You are going to be the death of me.”

“So, what's the deal, Altin? We gonna fuck or what?”

Otabek’s eyes narrowed, he leaned forward and suddenly Yuri was on the Kazakh Steppes, shivering in front of his fantasy. “You have no idea what I've been wanting to do to you, Yuri Plisetsky.”

“I better find out.”

And he would have, if Viktor and Katsudon didn't cock block them by slamming the townhouse front door and calling their names like they were conducting a search and rescue.

Yuri groaned Groan of a Thousand Blueballs. “We’re here, assholes!” He grabbed Otabek’s hand. “Hey, we’re not going to pretend this conversation didn’t happen, right?”

Otabek pulled him up against his chest and answered with action, not words. He opened Yuri’s mouth with his thumb and pushed his tongue against his. It was the greatest first kiss in world history.

++

So they all went to the rink together. Viktor had an electronic pass key, which turned out to be a good thing since Igor wasn't there to let anyone in, anyway. Yuri paid zero attention to those two assholes while he and Otabek ignored their usual practice routines and circled each other around the rink. Yuri felt like he was being hunted every time Otabek made a pass around him. It gave Yuri the shivers. Fucking goosebumps - his head was spinning.

“Whoa! I'm tired.”

Yuri rolled his eyes. “Of course you're tired, old man.”

Viktor and Katsudon linked their hands together. “You two seemed to be skating oddly. Almost like something is on your minds.” Thank you, Obvious Pig.

Otabek was silent.

Viktor’s smile was pure diabetic coma, but eyes narrowed. “Is there? Is there something on your minds?”

Yuri and Otabek shook their heads. “No, perfectly innocent. Nothing.” said Yuri. Fuck, that came out wrong.

“Hm.” Viktor gave them another dose of evil eye before he tugged Katsudon off the ice. “I'm hungry, Yuuri. What do you want to eat?”

++

Viktor Nikoforov should've been cast off a steep mountain and sodomized by every jagged point until he was impaled on a tree trunk, miles below. What the hell was his problem? First he thought Yuri wanted to take Karsudon (he only wanted that ass, thankyou), and now he was cockblocking him from Otabek - perfect, _not-Viktor’s_ Otabek, who was totally onboard for the Yuri Plisetsky ride.

He needed death. Lots of death, with some _fuck you_ on top, and the mercy of Otabek was the only thing that was standing between Nikiforov and justice.

Not that he deserved it.

First, he sat between him and Otabek at the stupid Korean barbecue restaurant and made them both order nonalcoholic drinks. Then, when they got home, he put the sheets back on that morherfucking sofa and shook a finger at Yuri when he flipped him the bird. And - this was the worst part! - he actually told them both he had the interior cameras on, ‘just in case something happens.’

This was a total assault on Yuri’s sanity and Yuri’s sanity didn't take assaults that well. In fact, it had a tendency to break on the regular, so when this shit went down the cogs flew off and steam was coming out of his fucking ears.

“Can you believe this shit?!” They were finally alone, well, sort of alone, in the living room with Makkachin and Maduk staring at them. “He acts like I'm some sort of kid!”

Otabek sat back on the sofa, looking eminently fuckable and suckable in his sleepy-time sweats and tee. “It's probably for the best, Yuri.”

“No, it's not. They're probably fucking as we speak while he's got us on surveillance! Even my cat’s working for him, now!” He threw a pillow at the traitor.

“Yuri…” Suddenly his hands were in Otabek’s and he was staring into the warmest pair of brown eyes on the planet, hands down. “Don't be angry with Viktor. He cares about you, like a Dutch Uncle or something.”

Yuri bumped his shoulder. “Dutch Uncle from hell.”

He reached over and flicked the hair out of Yuri’s eyes, which totally took his breath away. “Could be worse. Could be JJ LeRoy trying to set you up on blind dates on Craig's List.”

He burst out laughing. “Please don't tell me that douche bag did that.”

“Sorry to inform you,” Otabek’s face was somehow just an inch away from his. “I had to tell him I was already taken.”

“Taken? Wow, who's the lucky girl?”  
Yuri bit his lip. This was too good, it had to be some new, crazy dream his brain had concocted, because certain things, like Otabek Altin flirting - with him! - never happened in the history of humanity.

Otabek took his hand, again. “She's a he. And he didn’t know he had me, until today. And I didn't know I had him, until today.” He touched every knuckle, gently, then turned his hand over, tracing magic patterns on his palm that made him shiver. Goosebumps, he was getting goosebumps, and the hair on the back of his neck was standing on end as he kept drawing out these sensations… “And I can't stop wondering what he fantasized about when I watched him come, screaming my name.”

Yuri whimpered.

“Are you hard?”

“Oh fuck, Beka. You're torturing me.”

“I’m hard, Yura. I've been hard since I met you.” He lifted Yuri’s hand to his lips and _bit_ his thumb.

He was shaking like an epileptic on crack. “Holy Virgin Mother of God! Fuck those cameras, fuck Viktor - _and fuck me! Now!_ ”

He combed the hair away from Yuri’s ear and whispered: “Let’s make a deal. If we wait, then...”

++

Otabek Altin had made his life a living hell for a month and it was all his fault. He absolutely refused to participate in sending or receiving anything even remotely ‘obscene’ with Yuri after he got back to Almaty. So anything, even a little crotch shot action or dirty Skyping, was completely out of the picture. (“You're underage, Yura.”) Thirty one days never took so long! But it was over, all over, and here he was.

“My Russian whore…”

Yuri whined as he was propped up, ass in the air, hands and feet tied together, with Otabek finger banging him into oblivion. “Oh, god! This so makes up for blueballing me, Beka! So, so, so, so…”

“Did I say you could speak, whore?” Oh fuck yes! He smacked his ass - so hard! - and Yuri nearly nutted right there. “Let me show you what to do with that filthy mouth, Russian slut!”

God, he loved him! Loved him so much for renting this stinky yurt and agreeing to do this and really, really, wow, _getting into it!_ He wailed when Otabek grabbed him by the hair and shoved his face against his fly. “I'm going to shove this cock so far down your throat, bitch.”

Yuri whimpered. He was so good, so perfect. Katsudon’s ass couldn't compare, and Yuuko’s tits would have to be retired. And Ansifa? Ansifa Maksimovna was going to have to impregnate some other guy with her strapon, because Otabek was making his wildest fucking dreams come true.

“I love you, Beka.”

Otabek paused for a moment to touch his cheek, then unzipped his fly and smacked his face with his dick.

There was a god, and Yuri was so fucking blessed.

**Author's Note:**

> Mudak means asshole/dickhead in Russian. Yes, Yuri really did give his cat that name. It's his mini-me, after all.


End file.
